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[Seven? What the hell...]

[Akira frowns at the phrasing "those memories were no longer there", and let's be honest he kinda frowns at all of this. The fact that dying too many times also leads to ego death, that's fucking new. The fact that Kido just can't stop being in life-threatening situations. His first thought is that Nekogami is taking those memories that Kido can't handle, but that wouldn't quite make sense, because he doesn't want to encourage her emotional frailness.]

[He eats some more meatloaf.]

So memory loss, or incorrect memories... that might be the first few stages of what leads to ego-death.

And Nekogami figures that since death is somehow inevitable, he has to make this Shadow able to withstand anything, so she never goes away...

...but she will go away anyhow, if she's locked in her mind and the Shadow runs the rest of her life.

The thing is, I assumed that the host would have to die in order for the Shadow to take over. My Shadow talked about it too, and he was waiting for the day when I died on my own. I run on limited lifespans and I was quickly approaching it that time. The thing that worries me is that Nekogami wants Kido's Shadow to take over, but if she has to die for that to happen, wouldn't that just go against everything he's been going for? Maybe he doesn't know? But that's weird, isn't it...?

[ That makes him think of something else. ]

... I need you to promise me something. You can never, ever tell Kido or any variation of her--her Persona, her Shadow... nothing about what I'm about to tell you. It's important to know, and why I think Kido has been acting strange and why I don't think the memory problems have anything to do with ego death.

[ ... ]

Please.

[Is that a component? Akira just assumed that Shadow Terry was so fixated on Terry dying because he hated him. But that would go a long way to explain why the Shadows in this world are so hell-bent on attacking their Others, because they need to assert control after being suppressed for so long, and the only way to do that is through... well, killing the other.]

[When Terry makes that suggestion, though, he sets the plate down and straightens up in his seat. No slouching.]

I won't tell them.

There's a guy running around Hirajiro named Kano. Kido also knows someone by the name of Kano. In fact, they're the exact same people. He was basically Kido's family. But when I found Kano, he didn't know anything about Kido. And I made absolutely sure that they were the same person in terms of identities, and that I wasn't dealing with some mindwipe situation or whatever. I don't want Kido to ever meet him, because I don't want him to say to her face that they're no longer family. Kido cherished her family so much and... I can't stand it if she ever finds out that someone she thought was family for so long, tell her that they know nothing about her.

[ Family is too important to her, and he knows that. This is also for meta purposes lol ]

Anyway, that's the scenario. There are something like parallel worlds. I can confirm that they exist where I come from, having seen them myself, and they exist here too. You know those sudden influx of new Persona users who came from the shrine dungeon, right? They're from another version of Hirajiro. I think... a similar case is happening with Kido. Every time she leaves and comes back somehow, there's... something different, but she remembers her time that she spent in Hirajiro all the same. She told me her sister was dead a long time ago, back in... August? I think. But at the mansion, she said that the same sister was alive. That isn't because she suddenly forgot that her sister died. To her, back at the mansion, her sister was... actually alive. You get it, right?

Edited 2019-11-09 04:28 (UTC)

[Akira nods along with the explanation at first. He knows Kano somewhat, and certainly knows of the people from the alternate Hirajiro, where they decided to befriend the bird people and don't put up their gems as offerings and kill the Shadows roaming the town every night instead of going down into the dungeons.]

[But that's... hmm.]

So every time she died and came back, every Kido was... a slightly different Kido than the one before. But they all have the memories of here.

But what about the stuff like saying she's seven years old? Couldn't she tell that her body is older than that?

She looked a little conflicted about it too, like how she was so sure that she was seven years old, but then she was realizing how weird that sounded as she said it... but in the end, I couldn't really prove it to her that she wasn't. Like... with physical evidence that she could see.

[ ...

He's several months late, but he just realizes that he could have used the fucking pictures they took to show Kido. God. He feels so stupid. He'll just shove that failure out of his mind now. ]

... Was there something else I should address? I'm not sure what we should talk about now... I think I covered a lot. Sorry, my mind is reeling from all the remembering I had to do, before uh... my shadow incident. It's been too many years.

[ And his torture session from Terrence because that was one giant mindfuck. ]

[ ... ]

I'm still just thinking about Nekogami and death.

It doesn't make sense. His whole thing is keeping Kido safe, with all the times she dies, but Kido just accepts them. So is killing off Kido one more time, so that a second can take her place, really what he wants to do? And why does Kido actually keep dying so much... is it just bad luck?

[He groans and starts messing with his hair. There's something they're missing, he's sure of it.]

...and, where was Kido herself, in that whole dungeon? Did you ever... see her?

I don't get it either. I can't figure it out...

[ gestures to pinpointing

terry

TERRY

Anyway, now that Akira mentions it... ]

... Not in person, no. But I know she's definitely there somewhere. That's not dumb faith either. I know she's there, somewhere in that messed up place. I just can't figure out exactly where.

Right, with your... scanning thing.

[He forgot what it's called.]

You can't get her exact location, though? If we knew where she was, we could get to her somehow without alerting Nekogami or the Shadow, but...

[ Calling it scanning is fine. The term was coined by himself anyway. It doesn't matter. ]

Yeah... I had the gist of where she was when it was midnight on the 11th, but even when I got deeper inside, I still couldn't get the exact location. Especially with all those doors.

[ Fuck those doors. ]

... Sorry. I wish I knew too. That plan would have been great to pull off.

It would have been so cool.

[ ................. ]

And also, you know, taken us straight past all the Nekogami stuff...

[He just wants to look cool.]

[ Honestly though, yeah. Who doesn't want to look cool? Terry understands. ]

... Yeah.

[ OH. HE JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING CRUCIAL!! He slams his hands down on the table. ]

Wait! I forgot one more thing!!

[ Wait. Wait... fuck. He got way too excited there. Calm down. Calm down... Yeah. ... His hands sting, but that's not important. Sorry if he scared you, Akira. ]

The reason why Kido isn't there! It's because Nekogami wants Kido to live, right? But she wants to die!

[ ... Rewind. ]

... Wait, I don't mean that she's suicidal. I talked about this with her a long time ago too [ that's why it took him so long to remember ] so now I remember. She said her family was dead back home. And when we talked abut the option to go home after all this is over, she said that she still wanted to go, despite knowing that she's dead there and won't be able to continue living once she's there. She said that it's because her family's back home... and if she wanted to die, she wanted to be with them. And even through all those... little changes, she still thinks the same about it. I heard it through her mirror image at the mansion.

[Akira jumps, like visibly jumps, but he pulls himself back together pretty quick.]

Wait, wait— she's dead?

[Hold the up fuck.]

Wouldn't that mean that Nekogami doesn't have to worry about killing her at all? The Shadow can just... go?

No! Like...

[ Ugh. Okay. How does he describe this. ]

Kido is alive here. But if she goes back, if she leaves through the exit that we're trying so hard to open, she'll just return to her place where she's dead. She's not going to automatically revive when she leaves. The world probably recognizes her as dead already. You can't just... change something like that.

[ He doesn't know if they operate on the same mechanics, but at least Terry is somewhat familiar with the laws of the universe. ]

... I met someone. He's one of the people who came from the other Hirajiro. He's supposed to be dead too, but he's alive here.

I think the fact that Nekogami is keeping Kido hidden away is because he acknowledges the fact that Kido wants to return home, where she'll be dead. And Nekogami doesn't want that.

Oh. God.

[His hand goes straight back into his hair.]

Because he can't trust her to make her own decision, when her own decision is to die for good...

...

Terry... I don't want to have to convince Nekogami that Kido deserves to die!

I don't want to either! We'll definitely think of something else!

[ Yeah like who goes around and says their girlfriend deserves to die???

??????????? ]

I still have no idea what I'm supposed to say.

[Think, Joker, think.]

I have to appease him, I guess, to get to talk to the Shadow. Do I just... agree wit everything he says? Reinforce all of his ideas about Kido? That's what made him happy last time...

Of course that pompous blowhard would be happy if you agree with him. He doesn't like being challenged.

[ While Akira is appeasing Nekogami, Terry was just full on criticizing him. lol... ]

Right. What Emperor does?

[He makes a face.]

That's what seemed to get me closer to talking to her, but... I can't just keep feeding into his rigid thinking. It's wrong. I understand why he thinks that way, but it's just wrong.

Yeah, so I figured I wasn't going to be able to convince him anyway, and with how he attacked me first the moment I opened the door, we just fought. There's an annoying invisible wall that separates the room between him and Kido's Shadow. Nekogami sometimes goes back behind it to heal or make fun of you for not being able to reach him.

[ y e a h

just kill the cat ]

[No. That's a great way to lose Kido forever if you ask him.]

The first time I saw him... I dropped all my weapons as soon as I walked in the door. Knives, gun, bombs, omamori.

[ ... ]

I still need to get my omamori back.

You dropped your omamori?!

[ Akira?!?!?

Holy shit, Terry looks appalled. ]

[Akira notices that look, and immediately he starts going on the defensive again.]

Because if I didn't, he'd assume I was going to summon someone from behind and attack him! If he's so fixated on safety, I needed to make sure I couldn't pose a threat!

[He huffs.]

It wasn't my best idea ever, but he gave me back the other stuff, so I should be able to get it back if I play my cards right!

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